Yeah, I know I said I’d do something about tattoos this time but that kinda fizzled out so I’m doing something else. I blame the new job, it’s wearing out my brain, what’s left of it to wear out anyway. Instead, you’re getting a rant. I’ve been very good and not done one for ages, so I think I’m overdue…

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Imagine you’re driving a car. You’re in a busy town, with lots of traffic. You pull up behind a large estate car with this in the back window…

And…?

What do you do? What does this sign mean? What is it telling you? Maybe the owner of the vehicle thinks you might be the kind of person who’s just going to ram your car up their back end for kicks. Maybe you are, and that’s exactly what you were going to do, but wait! There’s a baby on board. Please don’t rear end me. So of course you don’t. Right?

Imagine you’re stuck behind this car and you’re infertile! The smug owners of the car are rubbing in your face the fact that they have successfully procreated, they’re practically bragging about it. Proud parents who like to drive around letting everyone know that they’ve brought a child into the world. Oh, congratulations. You’ve been a productive member of the human race and I’m thankful to you for sharing this information. Right?

Oh I know, it’s designed to subliminally encourage responsible driving (“Think of the children!”)  but if you drive you shouldn’t need reminding to be responsible. It’s spawned an even more annoying trend too…

Shudder!

Parental pressure starts early.

For whose benefit are these? Another reminder to drive sensibly? Another example of the proud parents who now want you to know what their child is called? Or is it to massage the ego of the child? Make them feel special? Whose car is it anyway?

What fueled the fire for this rant was something I saw today at work. I walked past a parked car that had a sun screen in the rear passenger window. You know, those screens that protect small children from strong sunlight, because before they were invented, infant mortality rates were through the roof. OK, it wasn’t the sun screen itself that annoyed me so much, it was the fact that it was personalised! It had a large picture of the baby’s face on it, with his name at the top and ‘On Board’ underneath. I was mortified. Fifteen years later…

“Hey son, when you were a baby, we used to drive around with a giant picture of your face on the side of the car.”

“Why the hell would you do that?”

“Ummm, I dunno, I guess we were sort of proud of you.”

“That’s just plain weird. You’re weird…”

Weird…

I hope I haven’t offended anyone too much who may own any of these things, though at the same time, I would hope that none of you who are offended ever grumble about the state of the economy or being skint if you’ve ever spent money on such utterly futile tat.

For those of you who do think that you can discourage people from crashing into you with a ‘Baby On Board’ sign, maybe you ought to put a similar sticker in the front window of your house in the hope that it will discourage burglars from breaking in (“Think of the children!”) The only downside is that you may attract the unwanted attentions of infertile vandals.

Rant over 🙂

When I was ‘researching’ this post, I stumbled across this. It’s only a mock-up, but it made me ‘lol’. I hope it does you too…

Geeky but witty.

I’m not going to say what’s coming next* because I’ll probably change my mind/forget, but I’ll be back, sooner rather than later.

For now… ses x

*quack