Another one already? Well yes, I haven’t got anything better to do. It’s not like you have to read them, it’s nice if you do, but not really essential…

Anyhoo…

I don’t complain much. I’m not a big complainer. Grumbling about stuff doesn’t actually get you anywhere, it doesn’t make you feel any better, in fact it probably makes you feel worse. I did say way back when I started this blog that I would avoid ranting too, so what follows isn’t really a rant, just a mild grumble. I’ve come up with a list of five things that slightly annoy me. There were six, and the other one involved driving, but I think everyone who drives gets annoyed with other drivers for plenty of reasons, so I’ve left that out. Feel free to add things that annoy you in the comments section, if for no other reason than to make me feel slightly popular! Here goes…

1) Ties. As in neck ties. What are they for? What’s the point of them? I’ve never been able to understand why they exist and why they seem to be compulsory in most schools and some places of work. They’re just a stupid piece of material that serves no purpose other than to get in the way and flap around. Don’t tell me they make people look ‘smart’ either. How do they make people look smart? If there is one function they have, it’s to cover up buttons, but why not just wear a T-shirt instead if you don’t want people to see buttons? Would the world be a worse place if ties didn’t exist? Of course not. They’re rubbish. So there.

Gratuitous boob photo for extra site hits!

2) Solutions. Huh? What’s a solution I imagine you ask. I just looked in the dictionary and it has loads of definitions, but the obvious ones that spring to mind are something that resolves a problem, like an answer to a maths question or a crossword puzzle, or a liquid with some stuff in it. Fair enough. So why on earth do I see big lorries with the words ‘Logistics Solutions’ on the side? They’re not actually ‘solving’ anything, just moving stuff round from one place to another. I saw a van the other day that said ‘Aqua-Pure Solutions’ on it. Was he solving the problem of unclean drinking water in the third world? No, he was a window cleaner. Can you imagine people staring at their dirty windows and thinking “I have a problem here… What could the solution be?” No, nor me. Even worse, on the way home from work today I saw a van that said ‘Ganymede Solutions’ on the side. What??? “Oh, I have a problem with one of Jupiter’s moons, or a mythological dude that Zeus had a gay thing for… What can I do?” I haven’t a clue what ‘Ganymede Solutions’ offer, and I don’t care either! Dear businesses, stop inventing fancy, over-complicated and rubbish names for yourselves. It doesn’t make you seem clever, it just makes me slightly annoyed!

How do you solve a problem like Ganymede?

3) F.A.O. (Not as in L.M.F.A.O. Don’t worry.) Why oh why oh why (oh why) do people insist on putting this, or the unabbreviated version ‘For The Attention Of…’ on envelopes? Does anyone seriously think that if someone receives a letter and it doesn’t have F.A.O. at the top that the recipient isn’t going to open it? I hope not. How many hours of work and gallons of pen and printer ink have been needlessly wasted on those three utterly pointless and redundant letters? It hardly bears thinking about. Stupidity, plain and simple… And I couldn’t find an appropriate picture to go under this one, GRRRR!

Sorry about this…

4) Cash points/Cash machines/ATMs or whatever you want to call them. No it’s not the things themselves that annoy me, unless they tell me I have no money, which happens from time to time, it’s something else. Have you ever been in a queue at a cash point and the person before you has chosen to withdraw some money and just left their receipt hanging out of the machine like a dry, papery tongue? I have, often. Why do people do that? The machine gives you a choice of whether you get a receipt or not. If you want one, press the appropriate button and take it with you when it rolls out of the little slot. If you don’t want one, press the other button and walk away with your cash. Getting a receipt and leaving it there is a) not exactly sensible if you want to avoid identity theft, b) not environmentally friendly (think of the trees) and c) it annoys me, so stop it!

What happens if you press new game???

5) Lanyards. Yes, there’s a pattern developing here. I don’t like having things round my neck, much like ties (well, there are a couple of exceptions ;)) and these horrible little ropey things appear to be taking over the world. Is it really essential that you have a card with a 2D picture of your face dangling from a stupid bit of cord beneath a quite adequate 3D rendition of your face stuck on the front of your head? They seem to be cropping up everywhere. Yeah, I know it’s security and health and safety and whatever, but can’t we just keep our ID cards in a pocket or purse/wallet rather than having them jiggling around on our breasts? They’re all colour coordinated too with little company logos on them, like that makes them somehow cooler. They’re not cool, they’re annoying. If someone (preferably someone unpleasant) gets accidentally strangled to death in a lanyard-related incident, hopefully that’s the last we’ll ever see of them… Hopefully.

How did the human race survive before these things became popular?

So there you go, five things that annoy me a bit. Maybe it says more about me than the things themselves, I don’t know. Like I say, I don’t get annoyed much, or often, just every now and then…

Next time, back to the fictional nonsense. On the upside, it’ll take me a few days, so you get a break 🙂

Until then… ses X