And another one? Yes, I’m on a roll!

Well, I’m currently typing this on a Friday evening, but I don’t think I’ll be letting it go ‘to press’ until tomorrow, otherwise people will think I don’t have anything better to do on a Friday night than this… *Ahem* Also, I’m having some technical issues again, due I suspect to my stupid Nokia phone. It’s like a smartphone, only stupid. If I can get round this by tomorrow, then all the better. Meanwhile…

I had to repair my bird-table last week, or as I like to call it, the BirdStation v2.1. The main table section had started to warp after being stuck out in the elements for a few years, but one morning I noticed it had completely collapsed. I suspect this was due to over-exuberant squirrels, amorous wood pigeons or the neighbour’s hyperactive kittens. Whatever, it needed fixing, and after mentally preparing for the project for a few days, it was time to put my DIY head on and get the job done.

Even with my DIY head on, I’m rubbish at making/fixing stuff. Rubbish may be a bit harsh, I’m more of an enthusiastic amateur, but I wouldn’t recommend you ask me for help with a fitted kitchen, or even putting a shelf up. I go for the functional over style approach, like the Pablo Picasso of home improvement. Anyway, this was a bird-table, for birds, so it needed a more angular ‘organic’ look, ideally suited to my style!

I found a decent sized piece of wood in the cellar, I think it may have been a desk once, and got to work with my trusty saw. I say trusty… I only own one saw, and for some reason I think it’s some sort of specialist floorboard saw. Just my luck. After a couple of cigarette breaks, I’d managed to saw a fairly straight line to make the would be tabletop vaguely square. Phase one complete!

Next, I needed a hole in the middle. If I manage to transfer the photo from my stupidphone onto the PC you’ll see why. So I got to work with my trusty power drill. Using a tape measure, I had marked an area around what would be the centre of the square, then drilled lots of holes in it until I could smack the centrepiece out with my trusty hammer. That worked surprisingly well (no fag breaks required) and phase two was also complete!

Now I needed a rim, or lip on the edge of the table. Partly to stop the birdfood falling so easily onto the lawn and growing into strange things, and partly for the benefit of the birds who like to perch there whilst dining. So I got some garden canes from another part of the cellar (yes, it’s a big cellar. Do you have cellar envy?) and cut them to length with my trusty floorboard saw, then nailed them onto the edges of the tabletop, with my trusty hammer. They split a little while I was doing it, but heck, the birds aren’t fussy about looks, and they were hungry. Phase three successful.

One more thing to do before it was ready for placement. I had to saw a broom handle in half and attach that to the underside of the table on a diagonal. Really, it’ll make more sense if I can get that picture on here. Anyway, I used my trusty tools, and soon enough, with one more fag break for good measure, the fourth and penultimate stage was completed.

Suffice to say, phase five was more complicated than I hoped it would be. Without going on for too long because I fear this is getting a bit boring now (not nearly as boring as the one about the apostrophes mind) I had to search the entire house for a trusty crosshead screwdriver, then sink into the soggy lawn on a wonky stepladder and do some other stuff with brackets, washing line and rope, until, eventually, mission accomplished!

Now the birds are happy again, and hopefully the BirdStation v2.1 will survive for a few more years without need for further maintenance. If you’re wondering, version 1 looked like it was waiting for somebody to be nailed to it, and version 2 was the same as it is now, only before it broke.

Hooray! I got it on, and it all makes sense now!*

A nuthatch gets in first as a sparrow looks on.

The lip of the table, working a treat.

Apologies for the graininess of the images, there was a bit of zooming involved. Squint and you can’t tell the difference.

So, that’s that. Not the most exciting blog post by any means, but I just said I’d do more, not better ones.

Next time, illegal blogging AND a competition. Sounds exciting already, no?

Peace… ses x

*I had to email the picture to myself from my stupidphone. Sort of the long way round of doing things, but it worked. Go me!